Of course, the most effective way ...if not the best way, is to ask the person without being intrusive.

As the story goes ...

Young man: "I feel uncomfortable going to church ...I've done a lot of wrong things, and I'd feel like a hypocrite if I came to church."

Pastor (or priest): "Well, if you change your mind, we could always use one more."

Yet, the dialogue has seemed to change in recent years ...and instead of the person not feeling they're good enough to go to church because they are a sinner, they often feel everyone else is a hypocrite.

We seem to be not only in a changing culture, but in a confused one. For a long time now we've been reinforcing a culture of ...well, I don't want to say quitters, but a culture that distorts accountability and responsibility. I'm not saying anyone should continue to do things that make them feel uncomfortable ...but I'm also not saying that is always a sufficient reason to quit.

As the saying goes, "Don't give up, when the going gets tough."

And what I mean by accountability, it seems we've heard too often to look out for number one. I heard a little child say, "You should look out for number two, because it always follows number one."

Aside from joking, I feel that we've more or less accepted the idea that our happiness is of ultimate importance ...and often we feel that there isn't anybody more qualified for knowing what makes us happy than ourselves.  Sometimes we take this to the limit ...even if it makes everyone else miserable. 

And we are oblivious to the fact that it could even make us miserable.  We are a society that quits on our marriages, campaigns against life in the womb, and discounts the fact that God is more concerned that we grow than be entertained.